That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I believe in your delicious
and you fell through a lawn chair
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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