I faked an abortion last night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we made out on top of his cat.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
