I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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