you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize