apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
