Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
