Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
