I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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