It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
