would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize