shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
