his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
