We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
