Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
