You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
