So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
