Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
