What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
