ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
