Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
