I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm at about main and main street
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
