i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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