Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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