Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
