I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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