First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
