he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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