I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
