Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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