he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
