he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
