i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dicks are not precious.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
