Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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