That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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