Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
