is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
