Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
