Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
