Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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