Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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