Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My penis needs a shock collar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize