I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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