so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
