U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
