Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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