I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
