I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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