we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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