the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
