Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
