I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
