my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize