Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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