Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
