; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
