i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
