we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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