you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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