he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
