He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
