She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You took a bar mat shot.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
