Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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