i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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