I'd wear matching sweaters with you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
