Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
