yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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