new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
