All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
