What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
