Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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