Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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