Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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