I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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