She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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