all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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