I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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