She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
