Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pooping to opera.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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