Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
