hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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